I sit here, Millions of thoughts calling for my attention.
Where am I?
What have I done?
One strikes me, right between the eyes.
"Christina, What the hell are you doing? Look at yourself, This is NOT you."

I stop, I am lost.
What does this mean?
I haven't changed a damn thing about myself.
"I am Christina, God damnit! Don't you tell me otherwise!"

At this point, I'm running from my own mind.
Trapped I become, only to wake up in reality.
Where the hell have I been?
I've been sitting here, In a dream world, for God knows how long.
I have lost myself, in dreams and story tales.

Nothing can be perfect, can it?
Pssh, I do not need perfection.
Hell, I'd be happy with just satisfactory.
As long as it would promise me the world and love me with every ounce of its being.

I cannot ask for this.
I will not ask for this.
From anyone.
If I never get this, then the only loser is me.

I may lose!
I may end up in last place!
But I will do my darnedest to make sure he does not.
If this means, I end up alone.
Then so be it.

Can I tolerate loneliness?
I do not know, I am afraid.
Can I tolerate companionship?
Again, I do not know.

Have I lost my mind?
"Do what your heart tells you Christina!"
It's the obvious answer.
What is not so obvious is...what I have to do as my heart demands.

Love has never been an easy thing.
I've known this from the beginning.

Are you ready?
I am.
Are you willing?
I am.
Are you sure?
I am.

Is this love?
...Yes.
Are you sure?
...Yes. I am.
Are you ready to give up...everything?
...For him, anything.
It's not what you're used to Christina, are you sure you can handle this?
...I am.
So, this is love..and you're sure..You know. It could just be obsession.
It feels quite similar. Maybe this isn't really love?

...Yes, I've been down that road, and You're right. It does feel quite similar, but this is past obsession. I know how I react with obsession. I've passed that stage. I've passed the dreaming. I've passed the constant thoughts. I've passed the doubt. I've passed the jealousy. I've passed the constant fear of losing him. I am finally at peace. I am finally..where I want to be. I am hopeless, this much is true. I have never been so sure..about anything. I am so deep into this hole that I've fallen into, I can no longer think of another. No one can compare. No one comes even remotely close.

Heh, Christina..You're being silly. What about Peter?
No..Not even Peter. Not even Peter at 35 could make me change my mind.

So, this is serious?
...Very much so.

No sarcasm, Not even a little?
...No, I've left it behind.

But..Christina..
There are no butts. I am ready. I am waiting.

What if he ends up not feeling the same way?
Then so be it. Nothing shall change..I have not come this far..Only to give up.

If I turn out to be the loser..I suppose..I deserved it.

I need no poetry. I need no candy and flowers. All I need..is to hear you tell me..That you love me.

I am yours. Everything I am. Everything I was. Everything I will be. I am yours.

I am hopeless. I know this...